高手之路 – 通过翻译学英语 (整理版)

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前段时间我在“杂谈”里发了一个帖子,题目如上。有不少网友跟贴,大多数是鼓励的,也有一些是批评的。不管是鼓励还是批评,只要是有关英语学习本身的,我都非常欢迎大家参与讨论。但也有个别人写了一些跟英语之外的话题,引发了我同他们的口水仗,这种争论无论输赢都是毫无积极意义的。原帖中这样的争论所占的篇幅过多,那里的氛围已经不适合讨论学问了,所以我也没有兴趣继续在那个帖子里往下写了。我现在决定重开一个帖子,将原来那个帖子里跟英语本身有关的讨论转贴过来,除此之外的内容一律删去。我希望能在这里营造一个较为“干净”的氛围,大家能够专注于英语本身的讨论,并通过这种有益的讨论而使自己的英语水平能够得到进步。

  有一点我想说明的是,我的题目虽然是“高手之路”,但我的本意并非是我本人就是高手 – 尽管跟有些人相比,说我是高手也并不为过,我也没有“引领”大家走向高手之路的意思。之所以起这个题目,一方面是为了广告效应,吸引更多的眼球。另一方面,我相信通过大家的参与和讨论,我们能够共同进步,共同走向“高手之路”。另外,虽然我的帖子里都是改错,给人的印象似乎是我一直在改别人的错,但我自己的翻译也会有错误的,我也期待别人来为我改错。我更注重的是一种讨论和分析的过程,从原译文中发现问题,并提出解决的方法。事实上,我是把改错作为学习英语的一种方法。很多时候,如果我们直接读好的翻译句子,我们未必能领会它们的妙处。而在分析不好的句子时,却可以迫使我们思考的错误的原因,从而使我们有更大的进步。我所引用的例子都是我平时看到的,并且经过思考认为是有问题的,我的思考过程就体现在我的分析里,而且有网友也指出我的分析的不妥之处,这对我自己来说也是个提高的过程。而我相信其他读我的帖子的人,如果也能够对我提出的问题进行思考,并且参加讨论,也能够在英语学习方面取得进步的。所以在这个过程中,我不是担任一个教师的角色,在“引领”大家,我只是小组讨论中的一个发动者或召集人,提出问题,供大家讨论,然后大家一起从讨论的过程中受益。

  下面是我将原贴整理后转贴过来的:

  作者:jdzheng_sh 提交日期:2007-5-20 16:52:00

  很多人英语学了好多年,却不得入其门径。,虽然借助英汉字典他们也能看一些英文的文章,但他们对英语的理解似懂非懂,有时理解错了,还自以为是对的。另一方面,他们写的英语句子,往往具有很浓重的中国腔,读上去一看就是中国人写的。学习英语是为了跟英语国家的人交流为目的的,如果对英语的理解不正确,又不能用英语准确地表达自己的意思,那么就会使交流产生障碍。中国人在许多使用英语的场合,实际运用英语的能力较差,往往用洋文出洋相,主要表现为“白字”连篇,语法错误和用词不当等等。这方面的例子随处可见:比如,北京某大宾馆“宴会厅”的大字匾额,把“宴会”Banquet错写成Benquet。几年前在南京机场,售货厅手工艺部的英文牌子是Ants and Crafts,把“艺术”错为“蚂蚁”。北京某地区的对外画册把“热烈欢迎外国朋友”的“热烈”(warmly)写成wormly,字典虽无此字,但字根worm是“虫”,看来令人忍俊不禁。用词不当也极常见。有人曾把“抓紧施肥”译成grasp manure (应为pay attention to the question of manure),这个译法在许多人中传为笑谈。在杭州的一家涉外宾馆,客房里有一份标明“密件”,可直接交总经理亲启的格式信,用非常客气的语气请顾客对宾馆服务提意见,但却突然用了个很不客气的字:请“老实”说出您的意见(be honest),应该用“坦率”(frankly)或“无保留”(without reservation)之类的字样就对了。华北某市画册最后一章的标题是“有朋自远方来”,英译为“来自偏僻地方(remote lands)的朋友”。按字典注释,“偏僻”这个字有遥远之意,但主要是指偏僻。而照片里的老外都是来自欧美日本等并不偏僻的国家。语言的差异实质上也是反映了中西文化上的差异,而有些翻译的英文则没有考虑这方面的差异,内外不分,也造成了外国人理解上的困难。比如:有人在北戴河一公园门口见一大标语牌,用中英两种文字写着:

    向文明游客学习!Learn from Civilized Tourists!

    向文明游客致敬!Salute to Civilized Tourists!

    这两句标语完全是为国内游客而设的,“文明”的含义无非是要行为要规范,待人礼貌,不破坏公共设施等,中国人理解起来没有问题。但用对号入座法翻成“Civilized Tourists”之后,就会闹笑话了。因为英语里文明(civilization)的反义词是野蛮(Barbarism),上面这两句口号的含义从英文的角度理解似乎是去公园的游客都是野蛮的(Barbarous)游客,所以才需要这样的标语。

    产生上述这些问题的根源在于中国人在学习外语的过程中,仍然摆脱不了汉语思维的习惯。用汉语的思维去理解英语,去写英语的句子,难免会方榫圆枘,而且对语言的理解必然仍然停留在很肤浅的层次上。如何来解决学习英语过程中的汉语思维的干扰的问题呢?从我个人学习英语的经验来看,我认为多做翻译练习是学习英语的一个很好的途径。但是需要注意的是,我们不是把翻译本身作为目的,而是把翻译作为提高对英语的理解和表达的一个学习方法,在做翻译的过程中要仔细了解汉英两种语言的差别,认真体会在表达同样一件事情的时候,汉语思维和英语思维的区别,努力学习用英语思维去表达英语的意思。只有对汉英两种语言的差异极为敏感的人才会对英语有较深刻的认识,才不会写出那种汉语味道很浓的英语句子来。另外,任何语言是根植于各自的文化的,语言的差异归根到底是文化的差异,因此,汉语和英语的差异最终也是由于中西文化的差异。所以我们在做翻译的过程中,也不能仅仅停留在语言本身,而要注意隐藏在语言表象之下的文化差异,只有这样我们才能透彻地理解英语所要表达的准确的内涵,才能在使用英语的时候运用自如。当然,说了那么多还是纸上谈兵,下面我就通过一些翻译的实例,来显示如何通过翻译来了解汉英两种语言的差异,如何解决在英语理解和使用的过程中如何摆脱汉语思维的干扰。我所列举的例子有英译中,也有中译英。前者解决英语理解的问题,后者英语解决表达的问题。每个例子,我都会先列出不好的译文,然后评析错误的原因所在,最后列出较好的译文。我举的例子许多都是日常工作和生活中经常会碰到的,具有一定的实用价值。我的资料来源有些是英语翻译类书上的,有些是我从网上看到的,对这些材料的分析大多数是我自己做的。我会不定期地经常更新,西谚云:Practice makes perfect。通过不断的练习,我们才能不断地进步。

    例1 (中译英)在现代异常激烈的竞争中,各个设备供应商的解决方案大同小异,谁更了解客户谁就有机会进行价值创新,远离价格战的红海!

    原译文:In the present world with fierce competition, providers of all kinds of facilities have worked out similar resolution schemes. Only those who know their customers better will have the opportunities to create value and innovation, keeping them away from the Red ocean of Price War!

    分析:这是高等教育出版社出版的“商务英语翻译(汉译英)”中第一章翻译练习中的一句句子(P. 13),上面的译文是书中给出的参考答案,如果作为学生作业的话,应该算是不错的了。不过,仔细分析的话,上述译文还不够好,仍然存在一些问题。

    (1)“在现代异常激烈的竞争中”这句话,汉语的重心是“竞争”,而在译文中的中心词是world,把with fierce competition作为修饰语来修饰world,改变了句子的重心,这样安排不妥当,应将competition放在中心词的位置上,把world作为修饰词,整个句子改为:In the fierce competition of the present world。

    (2)“各个设备供应商的解决方案大同小异”翻成providers of all kinds of facilities have worked out similar resolution schemes有下列问题:

    A.“供应商”翻成providers是可以的,但一般在商务英语中用suppliers更常见。

    B.解决方案翻成solutions就可以了,翻成resolution schemes不很确切,而且累赘。

    C.汉语中强调的是“解决方案大同小异”,而译文的意思是“供应商制定了类似的解决方案”,强调的是动作,这跟汉语原文的意思有些出入。“大同小异”翻成similar,强调的程度还不够。所以这句话可以改为:solutions worked out by different equipment suppliers are not greatly (sharply, substantially) different from each other。

    (3)“谁更了解客户谁就有机会进行价值创新,远离价格战的红海”翻成Only those who know their customers better will have the opportunities to create value and innovation, keeping them away from the Red ocean of Price War!有下列问题:

    A.“价值创新”其实是创造新价值的意思,翻成create value就可以了,不需要说innovation的,而且create可以跟value搭配,但不能说create innovation,这属于搭配不当。

    B.“远离价格战的红海”这句中文似通非通,怎么叫“价格战的红海呢?”,“红海”在这里又是什么意思呢?所以直接翻成the Red ocean of Price War会让英语读者看的摸不着头脑。其实还不如说“价格战的战场”(the battle fields of price wars)比较明确一些。

    C.译文把最后一句处理成一个分词短语(keeping)也有问题。因为从意思上来说,keeping的逻辑主语应该是opportunities,但若这个分词短语做定语的话,则它跟opportunities之间还隔了好几个词,而且分词短语做定语放在句末也不妥当。如果这个分词短语做伴随的状语,,那么这个句子的主语是those,按道理来说,分词短语的逻辑主语跟句子的主语应该是一致的,但在这里并不一致。所以这句句子语法上来说并不妥当,应当改为which引导的从句,which代替前面的整个主句所表达的概念,which的意思相当于and this,说明其结果是使他们远离价格战的战场:which will keep them from the battle fields of price wars。

    综合上面的修改,整个译文可以改为下面的样子:

    较好译文:In the fierce competition of the present world, solutions worked out by different equipment suppliers are not greatly (sharply, substantially) different from each other. Only those who know their customers better will have the opportunities to create value, which will keep them from the battle fields of price wars!

    例2(中译英)由于我们将要参加下个月14日到18日在新加坡举行的会议,如果你们能介绍一些有关该会议的详细情况,我们将十分感激。

    原译文:Because we will take part in the conference held from 14th to 18th next month in Singapore, we shall appreciate it very much if you could introduce to us the detailed condition of the meeting.

    讨论:

    (1)“由于”翻成because是可以的,但口气稍微强了一些,在because, since, as三个词中,because的口气最强,since差一点,在本句中用as就可以了。

    (2)“参加会议”用take part in不好,因为take part in主要是表示“参加某项活动”,而“参加会议”可以用participate in, attend, be present等。

    (3)held from 14th to 18th next month用错了,因为过去分词含有会议已经开过的意思,但现在说的是next month,这里明明有矛盾,应当改用不定式to be held。

    (4)we shall appreciate it very much if…过去曾经是好英语,但在今天已经显得很陈旧了。今天更多的人用we will be grateful if…。

    (5)“介绍情况”照字面翻译成introduce the condition,不是好办法。“介绍情况”是我们中国人喜欢用的一种表达方式,但地道的英语不会在这里用“介绍”这个词,也不会用“情况”这个概念,而是用supply us with detailed information或者是give us detailed information之类的结构。

    (6)meeting当然比conference小,但尽管这样,译文最后用meeting来避免重复前面的conference,还是对的。

    较好译文:As we will participate in the conference to be held from 14th to 18th next month in Singapore, we will be grateful if you could supply us with detailed information about the meeting.

  作者:jdzheng_sh 回复日期:2007-5-23 21:20:22 

    今天再来介绍2个英译中的例子。前段时间我在书店里买了一本书,书名是“希腊人”,作者是英国史学家基托,是上海世纪出版集团“世纪文库”丛书中的一本,2006年7月第1版。恰好这本书我家里有英文版的,原名是The Greeks,作者:H.D.F.Kitto,是Penguin Books Limited出版的Pelican系列中的一本,出版日期为1951年。我把两个版本对照看后,觉得中文版的翻译总体上来说还是不错的,译文准确,而且典雅,很符合原文的学术风格。不过也有一些翻的不好的地方,下面2个例子就是我从中文版里看到的,我认为翻译上有欠缺的地方。例句后我都标明了在书中的页数。

    例1 原文:In books about past civilizations art is commonly given undue space – for two reasons. In the first place, it is easier to photograph a temple or a painting than a moral creed or a political philosophy; and in the second place, many peoples have been inarticulate except through their art. (P.21)

    译文:在有关过去文明的书籍中,通常艺术要占一席之地 – 因为有两个理由。首先,逼真描绘一座宫殿或一幅绘画比一种道德说教或政治哲学要容易的多。其次,有许多民族只有通过艺术才能表达内心。(P16)

    分析:

    (1) art is commonly given undue space翻成“通常艺术要占一席之地”是不够准确的,这里没有把“undue”给翻出来,因而没有把这句同下面两句句子的内在的因果关系体现出来。Undue在字典中的意思是“过度的,过分的,不适当的”。在这里又是什么意思呢?其实undue在这里的意思是说,在有关过去文明的书籍中,艺术通常占有过多的篇幅,超过它“应得”的篇幅,接下来就给出了这种说法的两个理由,即为什么作者会认为艺术的篇幅会“过多”。本来艺术就会在此类书中占一席之地的,这很正常的,不需要解释为什么的,而占了“过多”的篇幅,倒是有解释的必要了。如果像原译文那样翻,便没有把这层意思给体现出来。跟下文的所给出的“理由”的联系就不那么紧密了。

    (2) it is easier to photograph a temple or a painting than a moral creed or a political philosophy翻成“逼真描绘一座宫殿或一幅绘画比一种道德说教或政治哲学要容易的多”也不是很确切。因为photograph作动词的时候有二个意思,a.为…拍照;b.逼真地描绘。上面那句英文句子是省略句,than后面省略了photograph,即it is easier to photograph a temple or a painting than (photograph) a moral creed or a political philosophy. 这里的两个photograph的意思是不一样的。前面一个photograph是这个词的第一个意思,photograph a temple or a painting是说给一座宫殿或绘画拍照片;后面的photograph是这个词的第二个意思,但在这里要做些词义的引申,因为说“逼真地描绘”一种道德说教不太符合汉语的表达习惯,不如说“详细说明”一种道德说教或一种政治哲学。这句句子合起来的意思是:给一座宫殿或一幅绘画拍照片(放进书里)是较容易做到的,而要详细说清楚一种道德说教或是一种政治哲学却比较难。这就解释了为什么在有关过去文明的书籍中艺术会占据“过多”的篇幅的第一个理由。最后一句是给出第二个理由,有许多民族只有通过艺术才能表达内心。换句话说,他们还没有能力用其他的形式,如文学等,来表达内心。

    所以修改后的译文如下:

    在有关过去文明的书籍中,通常艺术要占过多的篇幅 – 因为有两个理由。首先,给一座宫殿或一幅绘画拍照片是较容易做到的,而要详细说明一种道德说教或一种政治哲学却比较难。其次,有许多民族只有通过艺术才能表达内心。

    例2 原文:Their remains are abundant, and, in both senses of the word, unquestionable. (P21)

    译文:他们留下的东西是充盈的,就词的各种意思而言都是毫无疑问的。

    分析:这句中文意思是不明确的。“词的各种意思”是指哪个词呢?原文里说both senses of the word,翻成“各种意思”也不对。我们先来看看原文是什么意思,Their remains are abundant是没有问题的,说古代遗留下的东西很丰富。关键是后面,in both senses of the word,这里sense是指词的“意义”,不是“感觉”的意思,那么the word究竟是指哪个词,是指前面的abundant,还是指后面的unquestionable?按意思来说,应当是指abundant。因为abundant有两个意思,a.丰富的,充裕的;b.充分的。这两个意思是有区别的,前者是指数量的丰富,后者主要是指内容上的充分。而unquestionable只有一个意思,毫无疑问的,确凿的。所以这里in both senses of the word,是说,就abundant这个词的两个意义来说,都是毫无疑问的。但在翻译的时候,因为abundant在前半句里已经转化成汉语“丰富”或“充盈”了,所以就不能够在形式上跟原文完全对应了。所以我们不妨把abundant的两个意思全部搬到前面半句去,这个句子翻成:他们留下的东西是丰富而充分的,这点是确凿无疑的。这样跟原文虽然形式上远离了,但从意义上来说更加“神似”。

    所以修改过的译文如下:

    他们留下的东西是丰富而充分的,这点是确凿无疑的。

    翻译是一件很难的事情。著名翻译家严复曾感叹:一名之立,旬月踟躇。好的翻译是一门艺术,必须有精益求精,一丝不苟的精神,才能创造出完美的译文来。按照西方翻译理论家如尤金.耐达等人的“等效”标准,即译文读者的阅读感受同原文读者的阅读感受要“等效”,显然,上述译文中是不符合这个标准的。因为很明显,上述两例中,英文读者的阅读感受和中文读者的感受是不一样的,甚至双方从语言中所获取的信息也不是“等值”的。所以做翻译是一件很辛苦的工作,需要深厚的语言功力和耐心细致的态度才能够做的好。

  作者:jdzheng_sh 回复日期:2007-5-24 19:30:39 

    作者:outtowner 回复日期:2007-5-24 00:09:33

    第2例,楼主有没可能把那句之前的一小段提供一下?(在下有点不明之处)

    上面2例引自同一段落,原文如下:

    But the other sides of their civilization were, presumably, as important to these Minoans as their art – possibly more so. In books about past civilizations art is commonly given undue space – for two reasons. In the first place, it is easier to photograph a temple or a painting than a moral creed or a political philosophy; and in the second place, many peoples have been inarticulate except through their art. In fact, the Greeks and the Jews are the first peoples who were not. So it is with the Minoans. Their art speaks to us directly, nothing else speaks at all, except indirectly, through inferences. Their remains are abundant, and, in both senses of the word, unquestionable. But what they thought about life, how they faced its problems, we do not know. They did indeed know the art of writing; we have something of what they wrote – but we cannot read it. We must hope that someone, sometime, will succeed in deciphering and translating it – to tell us, it may be, why an official was angry with a subordinate, or what, in the seventeenth century before Christ, was the price of beef.

  作者:outtowner 回复日期:2007-5-25 03:59:27 

    作者:jdzheng_sh 回复日期:2007-5-24 19:30:39 

      上面2例引自同一段落,原文如下:

     in both senses of the word

     指的是 abundant 还是 unquestionable --- 这是我有疑点的地方

     原句似可简化为:Their remains are abundant, and unquestionable.

     插入语的位置是 and -- unquestionable

     似乎还是有可能是指 unquestionable 一词的

     原译文:“他们留下的东西是充盈的,就词的各种意思而言都是毫无疑问的。” 的确别扭而且有问题

     把几句联起来

     。。。many peoples have been inarticulate except through their art.

     。。。So it is with the Minoans.

     Their art speaks to us directly, ....

     Their remains are abundant, and, in both senses of the word, unquestionable.

     But what they thought about life, how they faced its problems, we do not know.

     那么,如果是指 unquestionable,这both senses 是指什么?

     个人理解:

     1. no need to question, for it is obvious, self-evident

     2. can not be questioned, for they are dead remains, which will not speak or tell you anything clearly (the art form, not books)

     "and, in both senses of the word, unquestionable" 译作

     "。。。。(很多),而且,既毋庸置疑又无可质疑“ -- 如何?

  作者:jdzheng_sh 回复日期:2007-5-25 9:41:53 

  作者:outtowner 回复日期:2007-5-25 03:35:35

    "and, in both senses of the word, unquestionable" 译作

       "。。。。(很多),而且,既毋庸置疑又无可质疑“ -- 如何?

    楼上的说法有道理,我也曾经这么考虑过,但总觉得不是太顺."既毋庸置疑又无可质疑"仔细品味一下,意思上还是有重复的.当然我的说法也不一定对的,只是我自己的一种思路而已.各位有关上述译例的讨论我当然是很欢迎的.我从来不认为我的答案就是最佳的.我也期待网上的高手提供不同的意见.只要能够有充分的理由,我很乐意接受的.

  作者:outtowner 回复日期:2007-5-25 12:09:39 

    "既毋庸置疑又无可质疑"仔细品味一下,意思上还是有重复的

     如果可以让两者的含义区别更明显,当然会更好

     你引用的译文对”in both senses of the word“ 直译,似乎不是很好的选择

  作者:盛希侨 回复日期:2007-5-29 10:43:57 

    作者:outtowner 回复日期:2007-5-25 03:35:35

      "and, in both senses of the word, unquestionable" 译作

         "。。。。(很多),而且,既毋庸置疑又无可质疑“ -- 如何?

      ----"既毋庸置疑又无可质疑"仔细品味一下,意思上还是有重复的

       如果可以让两者的含义区别更明显,当然会更好

     毋庸置疑却也莫可究诘(或“无从审问”)

     “毋庸置疑”指遗存的可靠性,“莫可究诘”指遗存的确切意义。对于考古发现,学者们往往一方面欣喜若狂,如获至宝,另一方面又有不能起古人于九原而问之之恨。

  作者:outtowner 回复日期:2007-5-29 11:27:41 

    作者:盛希侨 回复日期:2007-5-29 10:43:57 

       毋庸置疑却也莫可究诘

     I like this much better, :)

     thanks~!

     “无从审问” 与 “毋庸置疑” 语气不太相合

     “有不能起古人于九原而问之之恨” -- 正是此说, :)

  作者:jdzheng_sh 回复日期:2007-5-26 16:14:42 

    今天继续分析2例中译英。

    例1 这家公司新的招聘计划对应征者的年龄和工作经验都做了严格的限制,而且对女性应征者所须具备的教育水平和工作资格的要求尤其高,这无疑使得这家公司无法吸纳很多虽未达到要求、但真正具备才能和潜力的应征者为其服务。

    译文:This company’s new recruitment program sets a lot of rigid limits and conditions on the age and work experience of the applicants, and what’s more, it requires its female applicants to have particularly high levels of education and qualifications. This will no doubt hinder the company from accepting applicants who fail to meet the requirements but who do have the capacity and potential to serve the company.

    分析:

    (1) sets a lot of rigid limits and conditions,这里不需要用a lot of,因为原文里并没有说“许多”限制,只需要用英语的复数形式(limits)就可以了。Conditions也是多余的。 “严格限制”应该用“strict limits”,rigid是“僵硬的”,“刻板的”等意思,用在这里意思不太好。所以这句可以改为:This company’s new recruitment program sets strict limits on the age and work experience of the applicants.

    (2) what’s more, it requires its female applicants to have particularly high levels of education and qualifications这句不好,从原文的意思上来说,“对女性应征者的要求…尤其高”是对前面一句“对应征者…严格限制”的补充说明,不需要单独作为一句句子,换句话说,前面的那句是主要内容,应作为句子的主要成分,后面这句是次要内容,可以作为修饰成分来处理。像译文这样的处理,破坏了原文中句子之间语气的连贯性,而且显得很累赘。所以,这里可以改为:and in particular on the educational levels and qualifications of the female applicants. 这里in particular起强调作用,已经包含了“要求尤其高”的意思,不需要另外再说“high” levels;on是承前面的sets limits on,因为是用and连接的,省略了sets limits;its female applicants也需要跟前面的the applicants一致,改用the female applicants。因而,“这家公司新的招聘计划对应征者的年龄和工作经验都做了严格的限制,而且对女性应征者所须具备的教育水平和工作资格的要求尤其高”可以译为:This company’s new recruitment program sets strict limits on the age and work experience of the applicants, and in particular on the educational levels and qualifications of the female applicants. 这样读上去比原译文要连贯,而且简洁。

    (3) This will no doubt hinder the company from accepting applicants who fail to meet the requirements but who do have the capacity and potential to serve the company. 这里“吸纳”翻成accepting意思不是太好,应改为recruiting比较贴切一些。“为其服务”翻成serve the company也不好,serve作“为…服务”解的时候一般是用在如“为人民服务”(serve the people),或“为国家服务”(serve the country)。中文里“为某某公司服务”其实是“在某个公司里工作”或“为某公司工作”的意思,并不是向公司去“提供服务”,所以这里改为work for the company比较好。

    整个译文可以改为:

    This company’s new recruitment program sets strict limits on the age and work experience of the applicants, and in particular on the educational levels and qualifications of the female applicants. This will no doubt hinder the company from recruiting applicants who fail to meet the requirements but who do have the capacity and potential to work for the company.

    例2 裕源服饰公司坐落于环境优美、交通便利的中国服装名城——石狮。创建于1997年,经过多年的艰苦创业,现已发展成为一家集生产设计为一体的童装生产企业。

    译文:Yuyuan Clothing Company is located in the Shishi city, which is with excellent location and transport links, and renowned as the clothing city in China. Yuyuan was founded in 1997, through many years' hard work we become a children clothing company integrating garments design and production.

    分析:

    (1)“环境优美”译为excellent location是不对的,“优美”不是excellent所能表达的,“环境”也不是location,应为environment。环境优美可以翻成scenic environment。Scenic有“景色优美”的意思,用在这里很合适。

    (2)“交通便利”翻成transport links也是不对的。“便利”就没有翻出来。可以翻为convenient communication links with other places。后面with other places是根据原文意思增添的词,当然,也许会有更简洁的方法来翻译。

    (3)the Shishi city的说法是不对的,城市名是专有名字,前面不需要加冠词的,后面也不需要加city上去,如Shanghai,Beijing等。当然,可以说the city of Shanghai(Beijing)。

    (4)裕源服饰公司坐落于环境优美、交通便利的中国服装名城——石狮。这句的主要意思是“裕源服饰公司坐落于石狮”,“环境优美、交通便利的中国服装名城”是修饰石狮的,所以应作为修饰语。可以译为:Yuyuan Clothing Company is located Shishi, a city in China with a scenic environment and convenient communication links with other places. 这里a city后面的是作为shishi的同位语,对它起解释和说明的作用。With引导的介词短语是修饰a city in China的。

    (5)“创建于1997年,经过多年的艰苦创业,现已发展成为一家集生产设计为一体的童装生产企业。”Yuyuan was founded in 1997, through many years' hard work we become a children clothing company integrating garments design and production.这句的句子结构有问题,因为是两个句子,we前面应该加and才对。但这里不需要用2个并列句的,“创建于1997年”不是句子的主要意思,可以用一个分词短语来处理,founded in 1997。

    (6)“多年”不需要用many years,因为97年到现在也不过10年,用years就可以了。

    (7)Become应改为has become。

    (8)integrating garments design and production英文的意思不太好,尤其是integrating不对。“童装生产企业”应为children’s wear manufacturer. “集生产设计为一体的童装生产企业”译为:a children’s wear manufacturer with strong design capability.

    (9)“创建于1997年,经过多年的艰苦创业,现已发展成为一家集生产设计为一体的童装生产企业。”可以译为:Founded in 1997 and through years of our hard work, Yuyuan has become a children’s wear manufacturer with strong design capability.

    这个译文可以改为:

    Yuyuan Clothing Company is located Shishi, a city in China with a scenic environment and convenient communication links with other places. Founded in 1997 and through years of our hard work, Yuyuan has become a children’s wear manufacturer with strong design capability.

  作者:jdzheng_sh 回复日期:2007-5-26 16:17:48 

    上面的译文Shishi前漏了一个介词in

  作者:outtowner 回复日期:2007-5-26 17:35:36 

    例1 这家公司新的招聘计划

    译文:This company’s new recruitment program

     这一小段也挺别扭的

  作者:Gambler2 提交日期:2007-5-28 14:47:00

  (1) sets a lot of rigid limits and conditions

    LZ believes " a lot of" and "conditions" are redundant,I agree with LZ on this, as neither of the corresponding phrases can be found in the source text, which, however, is inconsequential.

    LZ also points out that strict substitute for rigid on the ground that "rigid是“僵硬的”,“刻板的”等意思" while strict limits means 严格限制 ,which sounds exactly what the source text means.

    is strict good enough to accommodate the intended meaning? yes, yet rigid is equally broad enough in meaning to cover what the original writer has wished , and perhaps, rigid is a better choice--LZ is right about "rigid是“僵硬的”,“刻板的”等意思" , which means the recruiting company is not flexible about the age and work experience of the applicants--being flexible is a good thing as some applicants who fail the set requirements might have great potentials that the company's been looking for.

    (2) what’s more, it requires its female applicants to have particularly high levels of education and qualifications

    here LZ ‘s suggested translation is “in particular on the educational levels and qualifications of the female applicants”

    I agree there is a slip with the original translation, the source text means “ particularly, the female applicants must have high levels of education and qualifications ( it is implied that the female candidates must have a higher …than their male counterparts) .

    LZ takes away” what’s more” and substitutes with “and” in the name of “a smooth transition” so that the female’s education and qualification can fall under a common “ limits” --- this is perhaps just a matter of style , however, the original translation’s intended meaning ( the company’s rigidity is nowhere to find) .

    this is much ado about nothing, if not worse.

    3) This will no doubt hinder the company from accepting applicants who fail to meet the requirements but who do have the capacity and potential to serve the company. 这里“吸纳”翻成accepting意思不是太好,应改为recruiting比较贴切一些。“为其服务”翻成serve the company也不好,serve作“为…服务”解的时候一般是用在如“为人民服务”(serve the people),或“为国家服务”(serve the country)。中文里“为某某公司服务”其实是“在某个公司里工作”或“为某公司工作”的意思,并不是向公司去“提供服务”,所以这里改为work for the company比较好。

     here accept and serve are perhaps the best words chosen by the original translator--simple and clean.

    LZ disputes that accept is not apt enough while recruit is. LZ should remember a successful modern company always makes the employees feel they are accepted into the big family, everyone is a part of the company's success. nothing is wrong with recruit ,which is with no emotions are attached, only if an employer doesn't care about the sense of belonging felt by the employees can be essential in the success of the company.

    I ask LZ : do you wish to be part of the company or merely work for the company for the sake of money?

    as for LZ believes that we serve for the people , the country etc only, not in the case of a company, if you were a boss, you would like employees to serve your company with commitment and dedication--would you ask for less from the workers?

  作者:Gambler2 回复日期:2007-5-28 15:34:19 

  (1)“环境优美”译为excellent location是不对的,“优美”不是excellent所能表达的,“环境”也不是location,应为environment。环境优美可以翻成scenic environment。Scenic有“景色优美”的意思,用在这里很合适。

    LZ does a good job: excellent location suggest anything but a beautiful scenery, but LZ' s version " a city in China with a scenic environment" --- what does this mean?

    why not just say a beautiful city, as for how to organize the structure---I suppose LZ is good enough for this.

    one suggestion here for LZ: it does not have to stick to the structure of the source text , especially at the expense of a sloppy or even inaccurate translation.

    2)“交通便利”翻成transport links也是不对的。“便利”就没有翻出来。可以翻为convenient communication links with other places

    let alone the accuracy of transport links,take a look at LZ' s communication links: what on LZ's mind ? to communicate with other cities on the phone? the internet?

    maybe LZ is familiar with China's " communication department or ministry".

    I once came across a Chinese translator's article where he challenged the official translation of our department that overlooks the nation's transportion affairs---probably there is China in the world that uses communication department for its transportation department. sadly, we just learn English , we don't invent.

    (3)the Shishi city的说法是不对的,城市名是专有名字,前面不需要加冠词的,后面也不需要加city上去,如Shanghai,Beijing等。当然,可以说the city of Shanghai(Beijing)。

    LZ does not fail--the original translator 's competence is a big question mark.

    as for 4-9, LZ has all the credits but for " a strong design capability".

  作者:jdzheng_sh 回复日期:2007-5-28 17:33:43 

    作者:Gambler2 回复日期:2007-5-28 15:34:19

    let alone the accuracy of transport links,take a look at LZ' s communication links: what on LZ's mind ? to communicate with other cities on the phone? the internet?

    Communication can also mean transportation. Although, recently it often refers to the activity of conveying information.

  作者:Gambler2 回复日期:2007-5-28 17:47:27 

    any english speaking country say communication department?

    and keep in mind : what transportation tools we chinese were using when those english speaking folks were already enjoying the convenience of modern devices with powered wheels?

  作者:jdzheng_sh 回复日期:2007-5-28 19:31:12 

    The following is an entry in Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English:

    communications

    a) TC [plural] ways of sending information, especially using radio, telephone, or computers.

    b) TT [plural] roads, railways etc that are used for travelling and sending goods

    It is not unusual that a word has multiple meanings. Of course,the word should be in plural form when used for the second meaning. But this is the same word as that in "Bank of Communications".

  作者:jdzheng_sh 回复日期:2007-5-28 19:40:14 

    Whether the "Ministry of Commucations" is a correct expression or not is an issue that can be debatable. But the word "communications" do have the meaning of traffic or transportation.

  作者:jdzheng_sh 回复日期:2007-5-28 19:55:08 

    Also in Longman:

    London has poor road communications with the surrounding area, but the railway network is excellent.

  作者:jdzheng_sh 回复日期:2007-5-29 10:49:48 

    作者:Gambler2 回复日期:2007-5-28 15:34:19

      one suggestion here for LZ: it does not have to stick to the structure of the source text , especially at the expense of a sloppy or even inaccurate translation.

    You are right on this point. A good suggestion!

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